Well, apparently the pantsless interview technique has born fruit - I have been asked to come in for a face-to-face followup. After years of consulting from home I'm already annoyed with the prospect of having to wear a tie and be punctual, even just that one time. The prospect of actually being paid regularly, less annoying.
Incidentally, several people have asked me whether or not I really did my telephone interview naked from the waist down, as if it is some kind of a risk that I dare not take. It was OVER THE PHONE. People, people. I live alone. I can be naked from the waist down any time I choose. I'm not now, but I could be. Wait, hold on. There. Now I am. Does everyone feel better? No? Me neither. It's a little chilly in here.
Now, since my unorthodox interview practice seems to have been effective, I'm trying to decide how I can get the same effect in person without the hassle of being arrested for public pantslessness. I do have a pair of Jar-Jar Binks underwear* that I could wear. Seems pretty tame, though. Maybe I could write, "I hate working" on my chest underneath my shirt. They'd never read it, but it would make me feel better to express that in some small way.
THE CONTEST: If you all have any suggestions of what I should do for this second interview, feel free to leave me a comment about it. Any and all strange behavior/dress will be considered. I seriously do want to do something that will amuse me, but not jeopardize the job. I'm taking requests, people. Get creative. I promise to let you all know who the winner is.
*Serious as a heart attack on that one. When you like Star Wars as a child, sometimes your aunt can't let it go, even several decades later.
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10 comments:
First off, mazel on 2nd interview.
Second, here's an idea: act totally normal and professional and all, but wear a burka. Your manner/gestures will have to be very broad and obvious, keep in mind. Too feminine? How 'bout a burka, tie, and sportscoat?
No?
Fine.
How'bout you bring in 3 or 4 pineapples and give them as interview gifts? Make sure to ratchet up the pomp and circumstance. "I really appreciate your meeting with me today. I hope you accept these pineapples, tradtional symbols of hospitality and prospective corporate obesiance, as a little token of my extreme eagerness to work here."
here are some of my ideas:
1.go the luckydave route and nair your whole body. (but NOT the nipples - learn from his mistakes please) think of how smooth and silky you will be. then again, wait, do you even HAVE any body hair?
2.wear silk womens underthings under your regular clothes.
3.write HIRE ME in (washable) black marker on your chest before clothing yourself. maybe it will "shine" through.
4.wear a cock ring. just try really hard (no pun intended) not to get aroused by any of your potential coworkers. cause if you do, it'll NEVER go away.
5. wear flannel underwear under your suit. if anyone sees it, feel free to strike up a conversation about the weather. office people love that crap. for instance, "unseasonably cold out there, eh? i haven't seen cold this early since 92. now THAT was a year for cold." or, if you begin to sweat, and i mean profusely, just tell anyone who will listen, "I'm just really nervous about this interview. I'd LOVE to get his job. Do you have a handkerchief?"
6. bring a briefcase with you COMPLETELY FILLED with hershey's kisses. never open the case.
7. have a film crew join your for the interview. if anyone asks, tell them you're working on the pilot for a new reality TV show about "working the 9 to 5."
8. if your interviewer asks you any questions about where you are from, always refer to it as Connecticunt. he/she will think they heard you say it but NEVER call you on it.
9. put on your resume that you are the recently elected Mr. Lower East Side.
10. right before you go to the interview, have a lunch FILLED with onions. your breath should be onion city. and when you meet your interviewer and they extend a hand to shake yours, lean in and kiss him/her on the cheek.
Prepare some unique answers to the stock interview questions -
What is the accomplishement you're most proud of?
I can drink anybody in this department under the table.
What is your greatest character flaw?
Well, hubris has caused me to kill my father and marry my mother. So, I guess I'll go with that.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
There should be an opening in the Papacy by then. I sent them my application.
Do you consider yourself a people person.
Yes. In fact I have several people locked up in my basement. They're a lot of fun.
I love Cher.
With all this excellent advice I feel I can only add good luck 'cos with all this excellent advice you may need it ;
I just got a job myself..shocking isn't it. I actually seem to do ok Gettting them.. it's doing the work that's tricky.
Anyway I have to talk to gambling venues about responsible gambling (like when you only gamble away your house on the weekend) and they said how would you approach the service providers -as in people who may not be keen on your point of view - and I said .. well I'd "work the room, just like I'm doing now".. I couldn't believe I said that! and then I got the job!!. ..but the application said 'wage negotiable' and I only spoke to my union manager friend (she's on a wageno one in their right mind would negotiate with- justhope they don't realize and keep paying)..afterwards and so I didn't know that I needed to negotiate at the interview stage!.. so maybe I was just the cheapest (and it wouldn't be the first time).. Heavens well that's a lot more that 'good luck' ...
Excuse me. I said I love Cher.
Tanya, I think it's very brave of you to stick your neck out time and time again, while all of these people are trying to obscure the issue of whether or not you love Cher. They will never understand you while you're alive. And yet, somehow you keep on speaking your mind just like Malcom X or Jonathan Brandis.
Cher and the pantless interview do have commonality.. I can see the connection and that it was important to mention here. I love the planet. I love water, 'specialy clean drinkable water.. I have a 'thing' about that. Me and water xxxxx Forever together.
Well, I don't really see what water has to do with Cher. Perhaps you have a heart of stone.
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