Interview Technique

I have a job interview tomorrow. And this time, I'm going to be completely honest. No more of this bullcrap where you say "what they want to hear" or "what will not get you tossed out." So here are all the questions I usually dread, and my new answers.

• So, why would you like to work for us: Oh I'm almost sure I won't LIKE it at all. I guess the main reason is that it's the only way you'll send paychecks. I mean, am I wrong about that? Seems like that's how it works these days.
• Tell me about you: Do you mean physically? Like, my dimensions...down there? Because if so, that sounds like sexual harrassment, and I'd like to sue rather than actually have to come to work for the money. That was so easy - thank you!
• Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Oh, there's no WAY I'll still be alive in 5 years. No, I would NOT like to elaborate, sir. Oh, sorry. Madam.
• What would you say is your greatest weakness: Mm. There are so many to choose from. And they are all great in their own way. I just hate to judge them like this. Hm...Let's see...'terminal adorability?' I'll go with that one.
• Do you have any questions for me: Nope. Oh wait. Who will I be speaking with on Mondays & Fridays when I'm calling in "sick"? Is that you? It's really nice to meet you.