Dear Autumn,

What the fuck, season? It was supposed to be getting cooler by today. We're halfway to friggin Halloween over here. I'm simmering squash soup as we speak, yo. It's hot as balls in here!

I think I speak for all of New York City when I say get out of my mufuggin' dreams and into my car*, beyotch.

Listen, I only really like clothes you can wear in cool weather, ok? Basically anything they mighta wore in Aliens3. I'm talking drab and utilitarian, made for comfort and warmth, and fighting off aliens and/or space prison inmates. I can't wear that shit now though, can I? No. I have to wear everything I own in case it gets cold or warm or whatever the fudgicle you're going to throw at me. I'm sick and tired of this shit.

Get it together, Fall. You're embarrassing yourself.

-mac

*I caught myself singing that song on the street. Out loud. Yeah, uh, don't ever do that. Billy Ocean doesn't garner nearly the street cred you might imagine. Neither does being a pale-ass Connecticutian, fyi.