Baby Massage

I saw an advertisement that said that licensed massage therapists will, for $60 an hour, massage your baby. Now, I can understand this if your infant is a professional athlete (or even a high-level amateur). But it's also useful just to relieve the stresses associated with their difficult lifestyle of taking naps and sucking on breasts all day. It is not easy. That's why they cry all the time, and why they find it so hard to control their bowels. It's all the pressure. I feel really bad for them.

I just hope that they can make it through to all the bills, jobs, and responsibilities of adulthood, so they can finally relax. Haven't they earned it, America*?


*also Australia and/or the UK**
**That's the United Kingdom and/or the University of Kentucky.