- DENIAL - I don't think I'm going to have this one. Not at all. There is nothing that I'm denying. Everything is fine. I'm totally fine. Totally.
- BARGAINING - I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to have to deal with this one either. As long as I start flossing every day (and I mean EVERY day) and if I exercise regularly and eat more vegetables, I probably won't have to feel much of this at all. I just have to be really good. Really. I'll do anything, so it's fine.
- ANGER - This is not a problem for me, and if you think it is then feel free to go fuck yourself. I mean it. I am NOT experiencing anger, so just shut your stupid fucking mouth about it. No, I am NOT shouting.
- DEPRESSION - Well...I mean, what's the point in even going THROUGH this stage? It just seems like such a useless thing to do. I'm serious. I just can't imagine having the energy.
- ACCEPTANCE - Totally. I'm totally there. (see DENIAL.)
Well, that's taken care of. Whew! I guess it's on with the rest of my life. Huzzah!
*And rough, scratchy ones too, of course.
11 comments:
Hey, Jeff. I saw your blog on my list of referrals and wanted to say thanks for stopping by codemorse.
I'll have to check out one of your upcoming shows. Now that you're single, the ladies should flock like Birds to an Alfred Hitchcock convention.
www.codemorse.blogspot.com
My favorite of the five stages is depression.
I'm so good at depression, that it just comes naturally. Really, it's not so different from everyday for me. Oh depression, you are always there for me, like a cold, wet blanket.
Anger is a real fun stage too. That's when you say horrible things you'll regret. Fun!
You do have stage six to look forward to though: drunken sluttin' around!
Woo-hoo.
MMorse - thanks for stopping by! Your hitchcockian imagery of my potential dating life is just slightly more unsettling than the actual reality of it. Well done!
Lori - Don't discount the bargaining step. I am great at that one. And denial is...well, it's as Jeff Mac as avoiding family on the holidays.
Fisch - I had always thought of becoming a drunken slut but I just never really found the time. Thanks for the reminder that it's never too late to start whoring it up! (I smell a new children's book idea!)
Ms Fisch I'm shocked.. from a girl who has her mum's picture on her blogg site!!
Well Jeff, as a counsellor I must say the stages as described by you are the funniest thing I have read for a long time.. I mean I teach these stages and do it seriously..I hope to include your lovely addition if that's ok..but also .... and possibly 'also 'cos of the counselling thing.. I know it's kind of a public forum (fora?fore?) but actually how are you REALLY. I do hope you are ok.. and that if you don't want to be single that you aren't that way for long....take care w)
Is this the line for potential pieces of ass in Jeff Mac's newly found single life. Although as a married fella, you folks bandy around the term "single" way too liberally. I just wanted to throw my hat, and by hat i mean vagina into the ring. How disappointing it must have been to see another comment posted, and it's just a goofy dude. My heart, and by heart i mean my..., goes out to you.
Miss W. - if you can help even one poor, crazy aussie with my ramblings, by all means DO it. And thanks for the good wishes.
And Fallon, thanks for the vagina hat. I really appreciate it. The line forms behind Lorne. Ugh, let's not even joke about that...
huh...feel like I should say something but pretty much scratching my toe in the dirt and rubbin my chin. pretend i said whatever you need to hear. :) that's what I mean.
Once again, I'm one entry behind; that being said - I think you should give up the comedy and enter into the sad lonely guy business. Clearly that's where all the money* is.
*by money, of course, I mean booty.
Aww. Never easy, never fun. Wishing you goodness.
Dodge
Glick here,
Ooh, sorry son. Hope you mend yourself in the best way possible.
Look into that whoring around thing, you know do it for the children.
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