What comes next

Most religions like to tell you exactly what's going to happen after you die. Since nobody knows what really happens, and those people are just making it up anyway, I thought I'd take the liberty of doing the same. After all, I might be right. And if I am, how can I justify keeping the truth from you, the common bored person reading this in lieu of working?

Ok, here's what happens.

When we die, during the first 30-90 minutes directly following death, nothing major happens. It takes a little while for the paperwork to go through. At that point, we ride a magical squirrel on a HotWheels racetrack past every Baskin Robbins we ever went to!

And then, we are shown a short film of a czar battling with a tsar for the spelling rights. The camera work is terrible, but the story is remarkably engaging.

Then, we are given a Silkwood shower where all of our sins are loofah'ed away. This lasts anywhere from an hour to 2 weeks, depending upon how skanky or creepy you've been.

At that point, we are poked with a stick twice. No one knows why.

Finally, we are brought to a lovely studio apartment near the subway line of our choice, and given a very reasonable lease agreement.

Silly, right? Yeah, I guess the Bible makes WAY more sense than this.

If there are any questions regarding any aspect of the afterlife, I am more than happy to answer them.