Getting Organized- the Jeff Mac Way!!!

Well, it's summer, and that means that it's time to get your act together. Well, maybe it's not time NOW, but it is most certainly time for me to type that last sentence. A little past time, if you ask me. I mean, I did just type it a moment ago. It can't be time to do that now. Not again already.

LESSON 1: Don't get bogged down. It's so easy to get caught up in crap like that last paragraph. It's all nonsense. Or at least mostly. Well, let's say 70/30. Deal. See how easy that was? You just make a meaningless bargain with yourself, and then move on. Shall we?

LESSON 2: Give up. It's important to understand that if you had the capacity to get organized, you'd have done it by now. Wouldn't you? Of course you would have. But you didn't. Did you? No. No, you didn't. You just screwed around, and pissed your life away, and now you're here, reading this crap.

LESSON 3: Beat yourself up. Getting organized is hard work, and you'll never get there if you…well, you'll just never get there (See Lesson 2).

How about some practical tips that you can try right now to help to unleash your inner whatever? Sound good? No? Great!

TIP 1: Clean your workspace. Some people recommend a methodical approach, taking each item in your work area one by one and making a tough decision about what to do with it. But that sounds way too hard. I recommend kerosene or wolves. Either option will really change the look of your desk area.

TIP 2: Make an appointment with yourself, FOR yourself. This means that for however long you have specified, there is to be no working, no reading, no checking your e-mail, no defiling your body. This is time for absolutely nothing. You just sit there and do nothing. It's totally going to blow.

TIP 3: Use Index Cards. The index card is a very common tool used by many, many people to get organized. Here's my method. When someone comes to check on your progress on a deadline, take out an index card and slit their throat with the edge of it. Then, soak up the blood with more index cards. Finally, write down the location of the shallow grave where you dump the body on an index card, and then burn that index card so no one ever finds out. It's fun!

TIP 4: Use visible ink! This one is so often overlooked. I can't tell you how many times I've written down the most brilliant idea ever conceived only to be thwarted by my insistence upon using invisible ink. Or no ink at all. I often just point at a notebook and try to tell it what I mean. This works great when it works, but unfortunately it never does.

Next time, we'll show you how to organize your kitchen area, simply by not minding how messy it is!