Dear Brooklyn Jury Clerk,

I don't know if you remember me, but you were the Jury Clerk (or Jury Wrangler, if you prefer) 4 years ago, the last time I served jury duty. I know you see a lot of potential jurors and you can't possibly remember every one of us. I just thought you might, you know...wow, this is harder than I thought it was going to be. Ok. Don't get emotional, don't get emotional. I just...I felt like I had made an impression, and...and when you acted like you had never seen me before...I don't know. I'm trying to understand.

Anyway, I had a couple of quick items for you. You know, if you have the time.

• How badly do you have to fuck up in life to not only get this job, but also to keep it for (at least) 4 years? What happened -- were you taking the civil service exam and accidentally set it on fire?
• Those jokes about "how enthusiastic we all seem" -- why stop at 5 times in one day? That's your A material, man. Use it!

I guess that's all for now. But I just wanted you to know that every time you let on that you were disgusted with all of us in the jury pool...well, you made me feel like the only soul crushing annoyance in your world. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Jeff "millionth juror you've seen and hated" Mac