Spam and Answer

Dear Sir,

I would like to apply through this letter for your express co-operation and to secure in your position an opportunity to invest and do joint business with you in your country. I am looking forward to your urgent and positive response for us to discuss details.

Thank you.

Mr. Davis Jackson

Dear Mr. Jackson,

Thanks! Holy cow, I always thought this sort of thing only happened in movies, but here you are! You're real, you're alive, and you're ALL MINE! While I am flattered that you have selected me to be your partner, I think you should know about my financial situation before you commit to sharing what I can only assume is limitless wealth with me. Lucky, lucky me!

Regarding my finances...how to say this...Boy, did YOU come up snake eyes! I mean, I'm sure you picked me for a good, non-random reason, but unless you have a friend in the Citibank Visa Changing Debits to Credits on a Whim Department*, I may not be able to offer much financial assistance to our business venture initially. At least not until the first couple of checks roll in.

As a show of good faith, how about you start off by paying off my credit card balance? After all, high-interest debt is no good for our business. This way, everybody's happy. It's win-win!

As an equally attractive alternative, please feel free to go fuck yourself at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Jeff "Not Randomly Selected by You at All" Mac

P.S. If you are not finding success in gaining a business partner via e-mail, perhaps you should consider just standing in the middle of the street and screaming, "Does anybody wanna be my business partner!!!?" That's a free tip. Next one'll cost ya! Ha ha! Wink! Just kidding, Partner!

*if there even is such a department (and gosh, I hope there is!)