Dear Shepherd's Pie,
Ooh, I find you so delicious, I hardly know where to begin. But you are wonderful, and there's nothing I can do or say to change that, so let's just start at the beginning.
There is meat. Not that I'm telling you anything new about yourself. You and I both know that your bottom layer is ground beef. I'm just saying that I approve. There is meat, it is good, and I want more of it. I don't even care if the cow suffered (although I can hardly imagine how he could have done so, given how tasty he was. Or she, or she.)
Some of your kind have a vegetable layer in the middle, and some do not. I prefer my vegetables on the side, but that is only one opinion. I respect the healthy and mirthful debate on the subject. I find it to be fun but never frivolous. You are a serious dish with a lighter side. Anyone who says different will face me on the field of honor.
The mashed potatoes on top, well, let me just tell you something before I pass out. On second thought, I don't believe I want to talk about this anymore. I just imagined someone arguing with me about whether mashed potatoes were perfect in this context. (I was yea, my imaginary adversary was nay.) I nearly put my fist through plate glass. I don't want anger to cloud my mind on this issue.
I don't want to take up too much of your time, Shepherd's Pie. I know that you have enough on your agenda without me bending your ear all day. Just know that I find you to be filling but not overly so. You are seasoned well but not wildly complex. In short, I love you. And I will do everything in my power to eat a lot of you over the course of my lifetime.
Sincerely,
-Jeff Mac
P.S. Please tell Chicken Pot Pie I said "hello."
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5 comments:
Hi.
Shepherd's pie is sort of like lasagna for white people.
Well, whiter people.
Oh, now I feel uncomfortable.
Shepherd's pie is to Jeff as lasagna is to Sophia Loren, who is Italian.
You know what I like?
Nyquil.
So...does that mean that I'm like Sophia Loren for white people? Because I could be on board with that.
Shepherds Pie is delicious but usually a bit of a misnomer. There should be sheep in a proper shepherds pie; otherwise, it's like a human sacrifice without the human. Unacceptable! This should properly be called Cowboy Pie. The only problem then is it sounds like its a pie that doesn't negotiate before it attacks other countries.
Cowboy Pie would be a great name for a gay bar.
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