Humpty Dumpty, indeed.

Ok, I understand that this is a nursery rhyme, and as such is both creepy and incomprehensible to begin with. I understand that we are talking about a being who was sitting on a wall for some reason, fell off of it, shattered completely, and then somebody asked horses to help reassemble him.

The point is, I get that we're already starting in the hole with regard to, you know, making sense.

But what IS Humpty Dumpty? I mean, he's an egg, right? Ok, how do you KNOW that? It's not in the little poem. There's no part that goes, "P.S. This guy we're talking about? Totally an egg. Carry on." Unless I get some hard documentation on this, I'm not believing he was an egg anymore. That was fine when we were children, but we're all growed up now. Let's look ourselves in the eye, just this once, and admit that we have no reason to believe that Humpty Dumpty was an egg.

(Side note: if anybody tells me that this nursery rhyme was some kind of political commentary about the Battle of Agincourt or something, and Humpty Dumpty represented King Edward the Confessor, I'm going to throw up into my mouth a little, and pretend it was just a burp.)