How do you want it?

During the heatwave, I was moved to meditate on my own death, and what a relief it might be if the heat continued. You can't always choose how you are going to die (like most things, if you procrastinate long enough, it will be chosen FOR you. Hurray!) But I was trying to think how I would want it to go down, if I had to choose. Here are some of my ideas.

• I think it would be interesting to be slaughtered by a serial killer who was so charming and friendly that his victims' last words (always videotaped and sent to the media) were, "This guy is really not so bad. I didn't think I would say this, but I am gonna miss him."
  
• One of those people who makes that dessert called "Death by Chocolate" and can't stop saying the title because it's SO CUTE is shoved off a building and lands on me, killing us both instantly. I think people would have such mixed feelings about that.
  
• I train a squirrel to fire a gun, and he shoots me. The bullet just passes through my ankle, but the irony of it all kills me.
  
• I watch an entire episode of Mama's Family and die of shame.

How would you like to die? Hello? Is this thing on?