A life lesson...

I was on the subway the other day, and...no, no I really was. Listen, if you are going to doubt me this early in the blog we may as well just call the whole thing off. No, I'm serious. I need you to believe me on this. I was ON the SUBway. Ok? You sure? Thank you.

Ahem.

In any case, after a couple of stops on the train a family of what felt like thousands (but was probably only five) entered my car. It was like being inside of a ferris wheel engine. Children leaping on things, adults howling at each other. Laugh laugh laugh, talk talk talk. Lawn chairs flying around, ocean toys, beach towel capes.

Listen, I am from Connecticut where denial is a sort of ancestral tradition filled with pride and power. But this was testing even MY abilities to pretend not to notice stuff. I decided after a couple of stations that I would switch cars.

I was sure that I would be walking into a karmic nightmare. Life would say, "Ah, you don't want to hang out with the Decibel family? Ok, how about THIS?" and I would be presented with the smelliest, hook-handed homeless person ever to rule over the subway mole people.

But no, it was silent as a tomb. Lovingly air conditioned. Several adults sat serenely, reading their smart people books. You could almost hear soft jazz xylophone playing in the background.

And I wondered -- is this what I want? This silent sterility*. That other car had been loud and obnoxious, but it had LIFE in it. Is this antiseptic** library really what my soul craves? Wouldn't I rather be back in that other car filled with the childlike energy of the living, breathing earth? Wouldn't I like to gain a little of that life back for myself?

The answer was, of course, no. No fucking way. My new car was awesome. Those other bastards can rot in there. I'm staying in snoresville.

* I'm speaking metaphorically here, of course.

** See above. I'm sure there was enough bacteria in that subway car to fill a bowling ball carrying bag thing***.

***I realize that was not the greatest metaphor in the world****.

****I also realize that putting a footnote within a footnote might seem unorthodox and confusing. But that's me, people. Oh, I'm sorry -- did I just blow your mind???