I was recently told by a friend of mine that the economy is in trouble. Now, I must confess that I had heard about this before then. But when you're me, the economy is always in trouble. I don't need to wait to hear about the market to know that I'm not doing very well. (It's comforting, in a way. All those Wall Street types have to wait with bated breath to find out whether or not they are screwed. With me, mystery solved.)
Which brings me to our current economic problems. (And no, the fact that I'm posting on this after we've been in this slump for years doesn't bother me in the least.) If the Chinese do whatever it is that my friend told me they might do to the yen, our economy would basically collapse.
At that point, everybody will be scrambling around, trying to figure out how to adjust to their total lack of worth. Basically, everyone would be just like me. Except that I'll already be used to it.
All of a sudden, being a total financial fuckup isn't looking like such a stupid idea, huh? The fact that I own nothing of value suddenly becomes an advantage. Who knew that having absolutely nothing to show for myself would turn out to be such an asset? I feel so vindicated that all of my foolish, irresponsible decisions are finally paying off.
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4 comments:
What are the Chinese going to do with the yen?
Shove it up our collective ass?
I recently have been making a lot of money. Of US money. Now, when I say a lot of money, that is relative to me. I don't know if it is a lot in the real sense of a lot, but, to me, it is a lot. Now, it would just be fucking perfect if, now that I have a good chunk of change, it would become worthless. That would be really what I would expect. I mean think about it. People who moved to New York somewhat earlier than I did talk about how they paid 50 bucks a month to live in a loft in Hell's Kitchen. Or wherever. When I moved there, that loft was 1000 bucks. Now its like 3000. But, that's not the point.
Well, really there is no point, just that I don't know what it would be like to be rich, and I'd like to. I would. I finally made some dough, and I had to give a whole lot of it to my ex husband. So, there. Well, that's entirely not the point but... Now, I am always 2 months away from waiting tables again, which I always kind of liked to do, so it really wouldn't be a problem. But, once you make a lot of money and go back to making a decent living, people always say things like, "Look at her, she coulda been somebody, she was on her way, and now, she's serving me beans." And yes, I do care what those people think. Whatever. You know what I mean. The day I become a millionaire, the dollar is going to spike so low, that my million will be worth a hundred thousand. But, compared to you, Mr MacDonald, I will still be rich, so I should take some comfort in that.
But hear me now, when that day comes, and we know it will, you can bet your sweet collective ass that I will take that hundred thousand, and break it up into little pieces and shove it up one million chinese people's non collective asses.
Jeff, this economic disaster how-do-you-do* is funny as shit, and something I too take great comfort from. True, my siblings may own homes and cars whereas I own mostly laundry, but nobody will ever reposess my yoga pants.
*a nod to your inner 20s flapper.
Lori -- that would be the effect of what they would do. It's something about de-regulating their currency. The result would be that it would be shoved up our metaphorical asses. And I have such a nice metaphorical ass...
Anonymous - You gave yourself away on several counts. I didn't know you had to give your ex money if you were a chick. Hm. Live & learn.
Sarah - Thanks for the nod to the flapper. Now scram, you.
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