SURPRISE!!!!!

Happy 229th Birthday, America!!!

Were you surprised? No, honestly, were you? You have no idea how hard it was getting you out of the house so we could set up the party. I mean, with all that stuff about "Weapons of Mass Destruction" and everything? I did NOT think you were going to buy that!

Anyway, I hope you are enjoying your Independence Day, USA. And please, please when you see the founding fathers, don't tell them about George W. Or the Patriot Act. Or all the church & state stuff going on. And you probably shouldn't bring up the fact that Britain is now our only friend (man would THAT confuse the hell out of them!) And maybe don't mention that we spend your birthday mainly by eating hot dogs and getting hammered while mafia guys set off really pretty explosions for us to look at.

In fact, if they call to ask how things are going, uh, pretend you're not home. Totally screen that call. They don't really want to know.