How are you? I am just fine. Listen, please, please shut your merlot-hole. No one cares how much you know about wine. (Or about anything, if I'm correctly interpreting the look on your dinner companion's face.)
And while I'm at it, don't go to a fancy restaurant, order chicken, and eat it with your fingers just so that someone will comment on it, so that you can tell that person, "You know, it's actually NOT considered rude to eat chicken on the bone with your fingers. Honestly, I don't know why people are so dainty." Yeah, so said the guy apparently reading articles about the etiquette of poultry-eating. You're a real lumberjack.
Look, I know next to nothing about wine. I was once given a choice between 2 wines, and when I made my selection the steward said, and I quote, "Hm. Interesting." But I do know this much: No one cares what YOU know about wine. And I'm not saying that I wish you bodily harm, but if I heard that an anvil fell on your head I'd probably laugh until I peed.
And if I can actually notice your manners from 4 tables away, that means you're not doing it right, you effete prick.
Sincerely,
Just About Everyone You've Ever Met
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2 comments:
Fine Jeff, I can take a hint. Just tell me when you're going to Popeyes and I'll go another night.
I like to eat chicken soup with my hands.
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