America's Next Top Model Recap

Ok, I was a little disappointed this week. See, it was the acting class episode. Since I'm only in this thing for the crying, this is sort of like Christmas morning. Usually, the girls are given some acting challenge that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy (i.e. they are dying in a hospital bed, and have to say goodbye to their husband, Taye Diggs, for instance.) Instead, they were asked to dress as a cockney flower girl. Think "Little Whore on the Prarie." No crying.

There was one nice moment. One of the girls had done so poorly that her critique was, "Loved the hat." That was sort of magical.

Ok, here's the rundown.

Crying (sad): TWELVE - Ok, we're now at the point where nearly every girl is just GOING to cry every week. Finally, a reason to wake up in the morning. Although, it will be pretty hard to top Tyra Banks screaming so hard at one of the models that she started crying herself. That's just good television.

Crying (happy): TWO - Not bad, but we're getting to the point where every model who gets cut is going to be shocked. And so, if you don't get cut, you cry.

Meaningless Asskissing of a Star: ONE - They went to a restaurant owned by - gasp! - Ashton Kutcher! Hey, guess what? Who gives a rat's ass? He's not flipping the burgers back there. "Well, gooooollyyy!!! That busboy gets his check signed by a guy employed by the guy on Punked!" Wow. Small world.

Awesome Coffee Misconception: ONE - No, sweetheart, there's no juice at the bottom of a cappuccino.

Quote of the Week: A model, upon learning that she would have to learn to speak Cockney: "Cockney!? I can barely speak English!"

What I'm Looking Forward to Next Week: Well, one of the girls has a death in the family, which is serious and not funny at all. What may be funny will be how dramatically they edit the shots of, say, the open grave that they showed during the preview. Yes, yes they did.