America's Next Top Model Recap

This week sort of stunk. I don't like saying that about my favorite reality television show. And I'm sure it doesn't like hearing it from me. I'm sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you. Now get back in the reality TV show kitchen, and make me a reality TV dinner. Uh…hm? Fine. Move it on over to the recap.

Crying (sad): ONE - I don't know what to say. This is nearly the worst possible score, obviously. And the only tears were from my very favorite model of them all as she was eliminated. I couldn't even enjoy that crying.

Crying (happy): ONE - I was too heartbroken from the lack of sad crying to be buoyed by the happy crying. I…I'm sorry…let's just move on.

Hilariously lame/campy airplane animation: ONE - As the ladies flew to their new home, Africa, we were treated to a flying animation that looked like it would have fit well in the opening credits to "The Nanny." I think.

Ironically Appropriate Challenge: ONE - This week's drama was about one of the girls porking it a little bit. Not in real world standards, just in model world. And when all of the girls were given an animal to emulate, what African beastie was she given? Yep. Elephant. This was hours after one of her co-contestants likened her to a hippo that they passed on a safari. And one week after her assigned sin (of the 7 deadlies) was "gluttony."

Olde-Tyme Piano Music fer Bug Fightin': ONE - The sound guy on this show is having a blast. Giant African bugs flying around the bedroom? Break out the crazy ragtime saloon music! Slightly overweight girl given the challenge to become like an elephant? Cue up the "wa-waaaa" trumpet! Good for you, buddy. Ain't nothin' gonna breaka your stride.

Patently Un-jackable Girl-on-Girl Action Including Pixellated Buttcrack: ONE - Ok, Janice? Tyra? Don't do that. Not ever again, ok?

Quote of the Week: "That was scary." - Tyra Banks after being mauled by Janice Dickinson. No kidding, Tyra. I'm still scared.

What I'm Looking Forward to Next Week: I'm not sure what it's going to be, but the girls will be critiquing each other in some way. One of them says, and I quote, " I see maybe dirty…in her underwear." Is she saying that one of the models has pooped herself? God, I hope so. This series is getting weak!