Why, oh cake? Why?!

Why can't they make cake that is good for you? Or, more specifically, good for ME. I'm not talking about cake that isn't that bad for you, or is better for you than most cake. I'm saying, why can't they make it so that it's better for you than portobello mushrooms and steamed vegetables over rice?

I'll tell you why. Because the government is trying to keep us down, man. And by "keep us down" I mean, "keep us eating bad cake instead of imaginary good cake." If we were all in olympic-style good shape from eating genetically engineered supercake, how could they keep us down? That's right! They couldn't.

But if we are weighed down and flabby and in sugar comas, we're sitting ducks. Fat, fat ducks.

I don't want to be a fat duck. I'd rather not be a duck at all, to tell you the truth. I've never liked ducks. You feed them bread, and they all practically kill each other trying to get more than the next duck. That's no way for a bird to spend its time.

I'm getting off track. The point is this: some people say you can't start a blog entry with no plan in mind. Those people aren't completely wrong. Plus, I enjoy cake. And I wish that you could bake individual slices of it so that you don't have to eat a whole cake over the course of the 2 days that it stays fresh. Not that I can't do it, mind you. Oh, I can. I just don't want to. And by "don't want to" I mean, "want to really badly, but am feeling like it's going to kill me if I keep eating this way."

Whoo. I really should watch the sugar intake. It makes me a little loopy. As if I need to tell all of you that. I thank you. Good night.