Miraculous!!

Everybody relax! Pope John Paul II is on the fast track to sainthood. I had no idea there was a fast track for that sort of thing. I always thought fast tracking was for Wall Street or maybe getting a script approved for a really trashy but topical movie of the week. But who says the Vatican isn't hip and with it? Other than...uh...everybody. Ok, let's move on.

Anyway, in order to be canonized -- which isn't as exciting as that word seems to imply -- you have to have performed two miracles. It used to be three, but...umm...they blew that rule off. (It's almost hard to believe that so many people have lost their faith.) So, one miracle while alive, and one after death. Great.

Here's the funny part. JP2's miracle while alive? There was a cardinal who had major throat problems. The pope massaged the guy's throat, and he could speak again! Sort of! After one touch by the pope, followed by just 7 short months of rehab, the man could speak again!

And now, after his death, I have experienced several miracles that can only have been caused by the former pope. Read on, and be amazed!

• I had a cold for a little while. But then, all of a sudden I got better! Weird, right? Usually when I have a cold, I die from it, but NOT THIS TIME, NON-BELIEVERS!
• I had a salad recently, and it was just too delicious. Seriously, this was not an earthly salad. Plus, it may have contained Romain lettuce, which sounds like Rome if you aren't too picky. Bravo, JP!
• I saw Star Wars Episode III on opening night, and it wasn't as terrible as the other 2 prequels! How can you explain that, Mr. Man? The spirit of the former pope clearly grabbed the demon that lives in George Lucas's writing hand, put him into a hammerlock, and refused to allow Jar-Jar Binks to speak for the entire film! Amen, brothers and sisters.
• Iraq is free, and there is peace in the Middle East. Uh. Sigh. Ok.

If you are still not convinced that JP2 should be on the fast track to sainthood...uh...that's fine.