I love you very much. I'm not asking you for anything, because that's not what friends do. Love is not proud or...uh...kind? Whatever that thing is that people read at weddings.
My point is this: If -- I'm saying IF -- you were to give me a pass to an advance screening of you, I would give you a glowing review right here on this blog. FOR FREE! I would do that for you, Star Wars, because even though you are not a person, I believe that you have the power to get me in to see you. And I can't wait any longer.
As a child, I would have eagerly sold my entire family into slavery for Star Wars figures. But now, I am a man*, and am unable to buy and play with toys anymore without it being a little weird. But I can still go and see movies. And if you give me a pass to an advance screening, well, I'll be less likely to have to sit next to some Bill Gates-looking douchebag dressed like Han Solo.
I thank you. May the force be with you. Unless, of course, you don't give me a free pass. In that case, you can go straight to hell.
*You there, stop laughing!
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I enjoy things, don't you?
About Me
- Jeff Mac
- I'm a standup comic living in Brooklyn, NY. See me this summer on COMEDY CENTRAL's new standup show: Live at Gotham!
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2005
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May
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- A strange place to be.
- Bless me Blogger, for I have sinned.
- Miraculous!!
- Dear Star Wars (epilogue)
- Dear Star Wars (part deux)
- The Etiquette of Charity
- I had a dream...
- Finally, a paranoia I don't have!
- Why, oh cake? Why?!
- Giacomo wins Kentucky Derby!!!!
- Dear Star Wars,
- A problem that I am unlikely to have...
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May
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3 comments:
Jeff, um, what if Star Wars gets you a free pass, and then it sucks?? Which would be stronger, your critical instinct or your loyalty?
Excellent question, and the answer is both.
I will enjoy the movie while I'm WATCHING the movie, regardless. When I see a sci-fi/fantasy movie, I immediately become a 12-year-old.
When I leave the movie, if it sucked, I will be fully willing and able to dismantle it with my rapier wit. Or my cat-like reflexes. It depends a lot on how I want to dress (rapier wit - Dangerous Liaisons style powdered wig deal, cat-like reflexes - a lycra bodysuit with a utility belt and grappling hook.)
You are so sincere.. well, honest then... well, funny .. yup that's undisputable! I was watching something on SBS recently - our ethnic government funded no advertising channel - and they were discussing the 'rise of fascism'.. as you do.. and they said in reference to Charlie Chaplin and a movie he played in regarding,... you guessed it, .. the rise of fascism.. They said and I quote .. see" Comedy in the hands of a gifted artist is a weapon as it pierces our complacency. unquote see" So those Star Wars producers better watch out for you!
the lycra idea would be enough to get them to come to the party with a ticket I'd imagine... light saber and lycra.. bad combination, "help me I'm melting"
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