Thankful

I like to tell strangers what I'm thankful for on days like these*. Terrible grammar in that sentence notwithstanding, I've decided that YOU are the proper strangers to tell. There are no other strangers in my vicinity. Not that you wouldn't be my first choice anyway, dear readers. Which brings me to the first thing for which I, Jeff Mac, am thankful.

• You, the common bored person. Thank you for reading this blog. I really do love that you all are out there, reading this nonsense. I am confident that you DO read this, and that's why I know I can thank you for doing so. If you didn't read this blog, you wouldn't be reading this blog today. Check and mate.
• Turkeys. You guys are wicked delicious. I know that can't be awesome for you, but that doesn't really change the fact that I used the words "wicked" and "awesome" in my thankblurb re: you. If I could only find some way to work in "choice" and "decent" I would account for about 40% of my teenage vocabulary. Which, if you think about it, is totally gross. Seriously, turkeys, thanks so much. Special shout out to the specific one I ate today. That guy was real good.
• The Empire Strikes Back DVD. Thank you for being owned by me so that I can now watch you as the perfect Thanksgiving day movie to watch.
• The Fabric of Space and Time: I am especially thankful for you today, universal law. If you weren't as you are, my Mom might have been in town, expecting me to take her to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That would have made me poke my eyeballs out with a stick. Some people have told me that I should take my Mom to the parade because after she's gone I'll feel badly that I didn't take her. That might be the case, but I think that my sorrow that I never brought her to the parade will be in some small way alleviated by the fact that I never had to GO to it. It's all about the give and take, people.
• Friday Off From Work: Even though I am not getting paid for working during you, Friday, I surely do appreciate that you aren't making me go for a hard day of work at the building with the ties.
• Again, You. Thanks for reading all the way through to the end. Even if you just read the boldface bulletpoints and skipped down to this, I'm confident that you will go back and read the rest when you have time. And in all fairness, even I didn't read the whole thing**.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! And to all of you who live in the terrorist nation of "not America," uh...hi there! I hope you are enjoying...Thursday.

*i.e. days like holidays designed specifically for being thankful. And for murdering injuns. Either or.
**I learned to write as a child, but I never learned to read.