I love you, mad scientists!

Well, as reported recently, war dolphins may have accidentally been released by hurricane Katrina. They are affable, adorable, and deadly. They are equipped with toxic darts. And they are annoyed that we made them jump through hoops for fish. I fear that this will create a firestorm of controversy surrounding some of the more bizarre programs at the Pentagon. Some examples:

• Deadly earthworms that carry m16 rifles. And they are not in fact earthworms, but special forces soldiers disguised to look like earthworms. Oh, wait. No, they're just dressed like regular soldiers. Ok, that one seems fine.
• Specially trained grizzly bears which will abjectly refuse to attack anyone. They just sit there and look at the enemy. When the target becomes complacent, a trained marmot flies in on a tiny hang-glider fitted with a special harness, and pokes him until one of them falls asleep.
• Cats that are capable of ignoring orders from as high up as the commander-in-chief. They are also able to pretend they give a shit about you if you are holding a bag of their food. There are rumors that some of these also escaped and are currently mixed in with the regular cat population.
• A bag of grenades with friendly, smiling faces painted on each of them. The enemy soldier will start to sort through them, smiling back at them. And then, I don't know, maybe one of them goes off? (This one is still in development.)