Holy cow

Uh...I just had a birthday and realized something. When I graduated from high school, it happened to be on my 18th birthday. My birthday last week was 18 years after that day. I did that amount of time again since high school -- e.g. I'm an old person. Luckily, I look fantastic considering just how mind numbingly old I am. I mean I am old. You know that stuff in that tupperware in my fridge? Ok, that's old. But that's just a baby compared to me. A little au gratin potato baby.

 

Thank god I can't have children (My doctor ran some tests and I was diagnosed with "not wanting any children." Out of my hands, you know?) Kids would, by comparison, make me look even OLDER than the old, old, old that I actually am.

 

Some things to do once you're as old as I am:

1. Seriously, really, make a decision to refuse to begin numbered lists until you have some stuff to put in the list. It's not helping anyone, so really change that behavior, stat.
2. Eat anything and everything you want. You're going to die soon anyway. You're not going to be on your deathbed thinking, "Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't eat that club sandwich."
3. Wear bad clothing. (I'm way ahead of the curve on this one.)
4. Become ridiculously cheap to the point where you'll eat dinner at 2 in the afternoon if they offer a discount.
5. Learn what "escrow" means.
6. Watch movies that have "adult themes." I'm not sure what that means. Maybe movies about escrow.
7. Lie down as often as possible. Again, you're going to die soon. You'll have to lie down then. Make it easy on yourself and get down there now.

See you on the other side. Go into the light!