I hope you are all having a lot of fun at my expense today, you bastards. Slowing down my train. Sending microwaves into my brain to make me almost go to work without my tie on. Walking in front of me so slowly that surely you must be getting some sort of cash for annoying me. How do they reimburse you for that? Is it by the voltage generated in my brain as you waddle up the subway steps holding BOTH handrails? Do you get a check, or do you get a voucher that you can use at the Thwart Jeff Mac store where you can buy car alarms, puffy coats that I can't navigate around, and cellphones that require you to scream in order to be heard?
I need a nap. One that lasts until I'm accidentally rich and never have to leave my home again. I love my home. And the second I'm rich, I'm totally going to become a reclusive mad scientist. Well, maybe not a scientist. I know all about how you have to have some background in "science" or "the sciences" to get that kind of a gig. But I'll go mad, though. I'll tell you that much. And I'll be wicked reclusive. Oh, it's gonna be so awesome.
"Wicked" and "Awesome" together again. I can hardly wait.
2 comments:
I don't know how often I am thwarted, but I tell you what, I am POWERFUL VEXED on a daily basis and I can't hardly stand it. When I get accidentally rich I'm gonna form a anti-vexation unit of somethign liek ninjas, to give people mild electric shocks when they honk their car horns, drag gigantor wheeled luggage onto the train, or ease their cars into the crosswalk while I'm clearly in the right of way.
Any motherfucker that blocks my way is a motherfucker.
And I want to sleep until I'm accidentally rich!!!
HAHAHAHAHAH!
Good one, Jeff Mac.
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