All over the map

If you are either a.) compulsive, b.) weird, or c.) both (see "me") you might have noticed something new at the very bottom of this blog. There is a little map. It's a hit counter that tells me what part of the world you're in. For instance, I can see that I've had 3 different locations in Australia, of which only one can I account for. I'm known in two Scandanavian countries. And here and there around America. Welcome, weirdos!

Several points:

• Canada and Alaska: where you at? I will try to address your foolishness needs more effectively in the coming months, but I think you need to meet me halfway. So stop by, and just know that I am developing a bit about dried caribou meat that I think you might find interesting.
• Europe: What's up with you folks? I'm looking at just a couple of hits from Sweden and Finland, period. This leads me to believe that in order to "get" me, you have to be either severely depressed, an alcoholic, or a member of ABBA. And lord knows, I hope you're all three!
• Greenland: Does anybody live on you? And if so, are they so friggin' busy that they can't stop by? I don't know if you've been keeping up with your local news but if not, well, that's because there isn't any. You live in Greenland. Embrace how bored you must be and stop by. Ditto for any Antarctic science outpost dwellers. Take a short break from whacking off and/or battling space aliens who you have accidentally uncovered long buried in the ice and stop in, won't you?
• Africa: I know that for most of you, your life is a lot harder than mine probably. But there must be some sort of oppressor/overlord/warlord with a T1 connection somewhere out there. I certainly don't condone his/her behavior, but by god I will accept his/her attention. I'm trying to fill up the map here people. Help me out.

Now, I'm pretty aware that if these folks haven't stopped by they can't read my suggestion that they do so. And I'm also aware that if they ARE reading my suggestion to stop by, said suggestion ceased to apply to them in that moment. I'm well aware of the potential logic problems inherent in a post such as this. Do I care? Honestly, kind of. It bothers me a little. But it's nothing that eating another hundred Christmas cookies can't cure.