I wonder things.

• Has there ever been a war that started over a specific smell? Who started that war? Maybe more importantly, what was the smell?
  
• Who is the most famous person ever to jack off an owl? (And don't say "nobody" because by this point we both know that's not true.) Would I have heard of him/her? Maybe the Sultan of Brunei? I wonder if it's someone at a Jimmy Stewart sort of level? Or maybe more of an Esai Morales?
  
• Has anyone ever wished upon a star to be hit right in the balls with a carrot in the next ten seconds? How about at a wishing well?
  
• How many people in history have decided to commit suicide by stripping down naked, standing in front of a cannon, putting their genitals into the barrel of the cannon, and having a trusted friend light the fuse? And why so needlessly complex?
  
• Has there ever been a Wild West gunfight -- you know, a couple of cowboys with six shooters -- as a result of an argument about which was real, elves or fairies?
  
• Has anyone ever stuck their finger so far up their nose that, as a result, they became a born again Christian?
  
• Is there such a thing as bigfoot? And if so, has anyone made love to one? If there really is a bigfoot, somebody probably banged one, or they at least made out. Maybe some over the shirt action. And they maybe went steady. Could be somebody was even dumped by a bigfoot. How long did they wait to start dating again?

This is what happens when it snows real hard and you're trapped in the house for a while.