Dear Guy With the Sweating Issue,
Look, I know it's lousy for you. I'm sure of it. But if, when you stand up, the back of your seat looks like the outside of a glass of iced tea on a hot summer day, give it a little wipe. Just to let us know that you only sweat like an animal but are, in fact, a human yourself.
Sincerely,
Desiring of Dryness in Brooklyn
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Dear Father of Small Child,
Please don't bring that tiny person with you during rush hour. It defeats the whole purpose of naming it that. Now, I'm not saying I blame your child for missing that train. I don't. I blame YOU. Just because you made a decision that affects your schedule, please keep that poop machine away from the rest of us until it can run down the stairs.
Yours,
Childless and Giddy About It
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and finally....
Dear Lady Cop on the Train,
Thank you for slamming the holster for your sidearm into my crotch as you went by. While I am not a criminal, I feel that you have helped me to understand what it might be like to BE one for a second. Any thoughts of turning to a life of crime are now as gone as the feeling that my balls are intact. Thanks!
With Gratitude,
Gelded and Chastened
Look, I know it's lousy for you. I'm sure of it. But if, when you stand up, the back of your seat looks like the outside of a glass of iced tea on a hot summer day, give it a little wipe. Just to let us know that you only sweat like an animal but are, in fact, a human yourself.
Sincerely,
Desiring of Dryness in Brooklyn
==============
Dear Father of Small Child,
Please don't bring that tiny person with you during rush hour. It defeats the whole purpose of naming it that. Now, I'm not saying I blame your child for missing that train. I don't. I blame YOU. Just because you made a decision that affects your schedule, please keep that poop machine away from the rest of us until it can run down the stairs.
Yours,
Childless and Giddy About It
================
and finally....
Dear Lady Cop on the Train,
Thank you for slamming the holster for your sidearm into my crotch as you went by. While I am not a criminal, I feel that you have helped me to understand what it might be like to BE one for a second. Any thoughts of turning to a life of crime are now as gone as the feeling that my balls are intact. Thanks!
With Gratitude,
Gelded and Chastened
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