The Da Vinci Code Diet!!

That isn't a joke. That is the premise of a REAL article in a magazine I saw while waiting in line at the grocery store. "Lose a pound a day on the Da Vinci Code diet!" I didn't buy this publication for fear of becoming retarded by touching the cover. However, in the spirit of the article, I would like to speculate wildly on the tenets of such a diet.

• Every time you feel hungry, just take a moment and think how the Catholic church feels about this book and movie. Imagine that you are eating their anger and fear. See how full you feel?
• If you are a devout Catholic, refrain from eating anything but communion wafers. You will feel thinner and holier almost immediately!
• Begin reading "The Da Vinci Code." Refuse to eat just until you're done with the chapter you're on. Once you finish the chapter, the cliffhanger ending will keep you reading until you pass out from malnutrition. When you wake up in the hospital, you'll have those washboard abs that you've always dreamed of.
• Eat the book. (Be sure to remove the cover because it is always the fattiest part of a book.)