When will I ever learn? Why do I watch this show? It's like those 2 guys who watch the muppet show, but hate it every time. Except at least they got to watch the muppet show.
Sadly, as a comic, I watch in case somebody has a meltdown that I might find hilarious. (They did not. The closest was...oh...I don't know...when Lauren Bacall wasn't wearing her glasses and had a slightly dodgy time seeing the teleprompter clearly? Not exactly scandalous.)
Here's what I did learn.
- Phillip Seymour Hoffman watches NCAA basketball with his mom. So do I. Clearly that says to me that I am a great actor. Who knew?
- I'm not a big fashion guy (you there, stop agreeing so loudly) but somebody needs to tell J-Lo's overachieving eyebrow plucker to take a couple of days off. Holy shit. And she might want to loosen that hairdo a little -- she looked like her face was going to snap and roll up like a window shade.
- Salma Hayek sounds like she is trying to lick everyone on the earth when she speaks. And for this service, I believe she should have won a special Oscar.
- When Ben Stiller was doing his greenscreen spoof and said, "This is blowing Steven Spielberg's mind!" you could read Spielberg's lips saying, "No it's not." Way to understand the joke, Steve.
- Please, Mr. Spielberg, still feel free to pay me a lot of money to do something, okay? I was just kidding!
- No, I wasn't. Unless he really IS reading this, in which case yes, yes I was.
- He's not reading this.
- I know.
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