My Name is Jack Bauer...

...and this will be the longest awards ceremony of my life. I just want to say that I am very excited that "24" did as well as it did at the Emmys. That means that I will get more and more and more of it, until Jack Bauer is old and infirm, and it takes him 3 episodes just to pee.

Here are ten reasons why 24 is awesome (and yes I can use the word "awesome" even though I am no longer a teenager in the 1980's):

1. There are so many reasons for 24's awesomeness, I can begin a list of ten reasons having absolutely ZERO ideas for items to fill such a list, and do so with total confidence that my list will be chock full of reasons nonetheless.
2. Being a fan of productivity, I am encouraged by Jack Bauer's ability to get things done within a 24 hour period. He doesn't have a dayplanner or anything. He just shoots and strangles on an ad hoc basis.
3. Jack Bauer may be a super secret badass, but he sure surrounds himself with some of the worst females on this earth. Every woman he ever loves is either a.) trying to kill him, b.) in love with some dork who is trying to kill him, or c.) bleeding from a gunshot wound that she received by behaving foolishly. Doesn't do much for the image of women in our world, but it does make for great television.
4. Chloe O'Brien is wonderfully maladjusted to society as we know it. She's the only person who I can imagine greeting a nuclear holocaust with rolled eyes, a sigh, and something under her breath like, "Oh, nice."
5. There are many in-show commercials for various tech gadgets that I, a good consumer, would like to purchase. Every episode has Jack using some super powered phone or laptop or PDA that I can see myself under-using with glee.
6. Like all wussy-boys, I imagine that if I were in Jack's place, I'd behave just like he does.
7. Everyone at the CTU office gets kidnapped, or kidnaps others, or both. This would make working at my job far more interesting.
8. Jack Bauer screams, "Who are you working for!" really loudly at least 5 times a day. (Even when he spends the day alone, he'll scream it at his breakfast if he has to.)
9. Jack's daughter wasn't a major player during last season. She's hot and all, but she can't stay un-kidnapped for more than about 15 minutes at a time.
10. Even though I can't think of a tenth reason, this show is so awesome that I don't even mind that fact.