Dear Mel Gibson

I'm not an anti-semite, and I don't think you should be either. However, since that is your choice, I think it is my duty to help in any way that I can. And I think you might be doing it wrong. For instance, you can't go into rehab to explain racism. It's just not going to cover it. Nobody ever says:

"Man, I was SO HAMMERED last night. Oh no...did I...? Wait a second...did I...denounce the Jews? Dude, I gotta lay off the sauce!"

It just doesn't really work for those of us who aren't, you know, crazy.

I don't know if the arresting officer was Jewish, but if he was I think you might have helped yourself out quite a bit by leaving out all the blame tossed at his race. (And even though I'm not Jewish myself, I betcha nothing makes a Jewish person more comfortable and relaxed than asking them the question, "Are you a Jew?" Bravo.)

Mostly though, Mr. Gibson, I really appreciate your thoroughness in your drunken tirade. (Alleged tirade, of course.) You slandered a race of people, you called one cop "sugar tits." You attempted to make a run for it when you were asked to get into the squad car. You even did the celebrity standby, your own version of, "I OWN THIS TOWN!!" In comedy, we call that a "grand slam." So thanks for that lumberjack's breakfast, something for everyone loss of sanity.

-mac