Well, your taxes are due by midnight tonight. It's a very stressful time, especially if you make more money than I did last year, I bet. Here are a few last-minute things to remember while you are preparing your taxes:
- Before you begin a numbered list of things to tell people, you should really have thought of several items that might GO on such a list. Or even one.
- Don't forget to claim your arms and legs as dependents. Where would they be without you? Nowhere, that's where. Frigging ingrates.
- Deduct everything. And deduct it FROM everything. It's the only way. I don't really know what I mean.
- If you smudge the ink on your tax forms, maybe they will make a mistake and refund all of your taxes! Maybe not, sure, but do you really want to take that chance? I know that I certainly don't want you to. Isn't it worth the fines and jailtime for a chance to do something that I've told you to do?
- Always use an accountant, preferably one who is actually an accountant, and not just a kitty with a collar that says "accountant" on it.
- When mailing your form, make sure to use standard, regulation mailboxes or post offices. Never simply throw your tax forms into the ocean, even at a moment when you are feeling especially "maily." I'm sure we've all been burned by this one, and it's not worth it.
I hope you are all enjoying our annual "How much do I owe you for those tax cuts for the rich?" ritual, and I hope you all get hammered this evening. Make sure you deduct any money that you spend tonight from your wallet.
3 comments:
What if the kitty is wearing a tie that reads "accountant"?
What if it's an accountant wearing a collar that says "kitty"?
Ladies, I think you're both being silly. Obviously either of your suggestions are perfectly acceptable tax preparers.
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