Ok, if there's one issue that has been plaguing us all, day and night, it is the issue of whether or not a ferret is a proper pet. Obviously there are more issues, but this is definitely number one.
We need to reduce our dependence upon ferrets as pets. I know that only eleven people have them, but until that number reaches zero, I will pretend to care about this cause.
I would like to submit to you my opinion that rather than electing to buy a ferret as a pet, you would be served quite well by just buying a shovel.
3 Reasons Why a Shovel is a Better Pet than a Ferret:
- A shovel recognizes you when you come home at night. No? Well, guess what? Neither does a ferret. Sure, it might run up to you and bite your foot and then run away, sure. And I might be impressed by that level of 'affection' if the ferret didn't behave that way towards every object on the earth. He's not going, "Hey! It's that person I love!" He's thinking, "Hey -- a THING! I LOVE things!!! I will chew it/her/him!!!" Ferrets don't know who you are. Ferrets don't know who they are. All they know is that shiny is awesome.
- A shovel doesn't smell like a dead skunk that wiped its ass with an onion.
- You can use your shovel to dig a hole in which to bury ferrets. Convenient!
7 comments:
That was so funny I just laughed out load and all the customers in the shop I work in looked at me funny. I have found that those little ferret leads fit nicely around the handle of your favourite shovel. You also look less ridiculous walking your lovable shovel than a stinky ferret! xxxx
Thanks, OCPD! Looks like you're from the UK, yes? Are there lots of ferret morons over there as well? Ugh. Terrible.
Actually, I think they sell ferrets at the patchouli store. Because people who actively try to smell like dirt probably love a pet that smells like a dead skunk that wiped its ass with an onion.
Yeah, there are ferrets a plenty here. My cousin used to have one and walked it on a lead. Ugh. That large shovel would have been handy for bopping it on the head. Anyone for ferret kebab?
My sister had a ferret. Its name was Ellie. Ellie liked to lurk in the couch cushions, wait til my father sat down, and then bite him on the ass. Furthermore, my parents once shelled out over a thousand dollars to have a piece of beach towel surgically removed from Ellie's bowels. Finally, my sister went to France on study abroad, and boarded Ellie with a...professional ferret keeper woman (?) who had over twenty ferrets in her house, TWENTY-PLUS FERRETS, stinking to high heaven, leaping from the curtains, biting the hell out of everything. I could not be convinced even to go inside.
Dear God, Fisch! What a freaking nightmare of a home.
And yes, it is my experience that ferret surgery is inordinately expensive in a cost-to-benefit ratio sort of way.
I wish that anyone who reads your comment can fully hear your Texas twang, because I spat out my drink this morning reading this comment.
Oh and nobody reads these comments, so I suppose it's fine either way.
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