Ideas for Christmas Gifts!

Hello all. Since I have not been especially blogular lately, I am feeling guilty. And that brings me to Christmas. Christmas is a time of year for buying presents for those people who you are afraid that if you do NOT buy them something, you'll look really bad. (That's how I pick who gets one, anyway.) But that doesn't mean you can't have a little fun shopping. And by "shopping" I mean "sitting in your cubicle THINKING about shopping." Because let's face it, I feel the same way about actually GOING shopping as I do about swimming under the ice on a frozen lake. Not my thing, people. I saw "The Omen" ok? It looked just miserable down there. And, like shopping, you can't just leave whenever you want. (With shopping, you have massive lines in your way as opposed to a sheet of solid ice, but the effect seems similar)

But here are some gift giving ideas for those people who you don't really know all that well, but you feel like you have to get them something. We're talking co-workers, estranged siblings, cousins that you know are going to buy YOU something. You know -- filler people. People who are in your address book to make you feel like you have more people in your life than just the 3 people you call on a regular basis. Any one of these holiday gift ideas is sure to please!

• an Edna St. Vincent Millay hoodie. I can't say I know any of her work, but that's probably just because nobody ever thought to buy me one of these babies.
• Commedia Del Arte-themed footie pajamas. With or without codpiece, depending upon whether you go with Pantalone, or the more traditional Arlecchino. Your choice, people.
  
• A tasteful Punch & Judy mask for formal occasions
  
• an empty box with an incredibly delicate looking locking mechanism on it. The recipient won't want to break it, and so they will never find out that you didn't buy them anything. (Be sure to choose someone who will be too embarrassed to ask.)
• A DVD of you staring at the camera, motionless and expressionless, for a full hour. Imagine their delight when the words "The End" roll across their screen, and they still have no idea why you chose to give them this. Especially fun for your office secret Santa!
• A series of cellphone photographs of piles of laundry at your laundromat. This is for someone whose opinion doesn't really matter to you. What you are goingfor is for them to think that YOU think you're creative. Give these to someone you are not really dating, and want to end it for good. This will help to ease the passage of your relationship from 'sexual' to 'awkward avoidance.'

Don't feel limited to this list. There are literally dozens of other things that you can buy in stores too. A hammer, for example. Also, grapes. Look for such things wherever they keep cash registers. They've got to have something in there for you.

Happy Holidays!