Well, first the North Koreans tested a nuclear weapon. Also, I have been eaten alive by mosquitos (possibly also caused by North Korea, as pointed out by commenter, hihoJeff.) But now that elevator-shoe-wearing freak has gone too far. Kim Jong Il has sent a mouse to infiltrate my apartment.
Why have they targeted me, you ask? Well, clearly the main goal is to make me scream "eek" while I'm standing on a chair, clutching a broom. It worked in cartoons in the 1950's and it still works today. In fact, everything that worked in the 50s still works great today. Well, except for violent racism, the cold war, McCarthyism....and...uh...ok, only the "eek" thing is still truly relevant today.
My question is this: why, oh why does this little North Korean mouse feel the need to break my only restriction on vermin? I don't go out into the world to murder mice and bugs. Knock yourself out, little guys. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I only have to kill you if I know you exist. As soon as you're on my radar, I'm sorry, but you will have to die.
I don't enjoy killing, folks. I really don't. But what I enjoy even less is having a creature within my home that isn't me or an invited guest. I suppose that my best solution to this problem would be to send mice invitations. That way, it's my choice. But those little bastards never RSVP, they show up, eat all the cheese (such a stereotype, I know) and leave poops on the countertop.
No, I'm afraid it's going to be the great...uh...something in the sky. The point is, I'm killing him. Or her. That's called "gender equality," people. Look it up.
Why have they targeted me, you ask? Well, clearly the main goal is to make me scream "eek" while I'm standing on a chair, clutching a broom. It worked in cartoons in the 1950's and it still works today. In fact, everything that worked in the 50s still works great today. Well, except for violent racism, the cold war, McCarthyism....and...uh...ok, only the "eek" thing is still truly relevant today.
My question is this: why, oh why does this little North Korean mouse feel the need to break my only restriction on vermin? I don't go out into the world to murder mice and bugs. Knock yourself out, little guys. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I only have to kill you if I know you exist. As soon as you're on my radar, I'm sorry, but you will have to die.
I don't enjoy killing, folks. I really don't. But what I enjoy even less is having a creature within my home that isn't me or an invited guest. I suppose that my best solution to this problem would be to send mice invitations. That way, it's my choice. But those little bastards never RSVP, they show up, eat all the cheese (such a stereotype, I know) and leave poops on the countertop.
No, I'm afraid it's going to be the great...uh...something in the sky. The point is, I'm killing him. Or her. That's called "gender equality," people. Look it up.
2 comments:
Don't let your blog die, Jeff Mac.
Happy National Button Day!
PS Don't let your blog die!
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